Why Warriors Shouldn't
by Weird Person Who Lives on Mars
Summary: A new twist on Erin Hunters Warriors books.  Join Firestar, Cloudpaw, Graystripe and a cast of others as they find out why warriors shouldn't... go on missions...get Jeti powers...act like humans...and much, much more!
1. A Cloudy Mission

_This "story" does not as much contain chapters as it does stories. In this document, you will find warriors shorts, rather than an entire book. Other than that, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show...er...book._

**Why Cloudpaw Shouldn't Go On Missions**

Cloudpaw surveyed his surroundings. Marshes and dead trees littered the ShadowClan camp. Eagerly, the young apprentice looked over at his mentor and clan deputy, Fireheart. The tom's ginger pelt glinted in the last light of the day. Firehearts's emerald eyes were so focused on the camp, Cloudpaw wasn't even sure if he had blinked all day!

Cloudpaw sighed, this mission to spy on a ShadowClan meeting was sooooo boring. They had been sitting for nearly five hours already!

With one final sigh, the impatient apprentice yanked out a small, hand held game. Stuffing it under his glossy white coat so his master couldn't see, Cloudpaw began to play.

As the evening droned on, Cloudpaw became more tied up in his game.

Soon, the long awaited arrival of the ShadowClan meeting began. Tigerstar strutted up to a enormous boulder and leap effortlessly atop the massive structure. A hush fell over the warriors that had gathered in the clearing.

Fireheart shifted his weight and cocked his ears, desperately trying to catch every word.

Tigerstar started his speech. "The reason why I have called a top secret meeting, is because we are having a major baked bean blight".

Gasps and mummers of worry roes from the hoard of cats, as well as several choruses of "Beans, Beans, the Magical Fruit".

Tigerstar held up his paw for silence. "Yes, yes. I know it is a disaster", he continued, his voice full of disappointment, "But believe it or not, we have bigger issues. ThunderClan".

Fireheart strained to hear the words that could be the down fall of his home.

In a low whisper, Tigerstar started to tell of his plot. "I plan..." he continued, "...TO-".

His sentence was interrupted by a triumphant yell. "YES! I BEAT MY HIGH SCORE!"

Heads darted in Cloudpaw's direction. The young apprentice, who was completely oblivious to his surroundings, was happily playing the hand held game mentioned earlier.

Fireheart took off, tail between the legs, back to ThunderClan. Cloudpaw wasn't so lucky. He found himself being snapped back to reality by a dozen or so angry, angry paws. Before you could say...well...**anything**, Cloudpaw was slammed in a dark, dank prison cell.

Cloudpaw had to bite his lip to keep from trembling as Tigerstar approached.

"Well young apprentice", the great warrior gloated, "your mentor got away, but I still have you".

Cloudpaw's voice shook uncontrollably as he spoke, "Wa...whaaat...yo, yo, you gonna do taaa...meeee?"

"I WILL...", the leader paused, then whispered to the nearest warrior, "What should I do to him?"

Hastily, the warrior whispered back a reply.

"AH-HA", Tigerstar exclaimed, "I WILL HAVE YOU TRAMPLED UNDERFOOT, BY 50 BABY EARTH WORMS!"

Gasps of horror filled the camp. Queens covered kit's eyes, and apprentices ducked behind each other. Young Cloudpaw himself was parilized with fear.

Tigerstar rubbed his hands together devilishly, and stalked away laughing.

His mentor, his mom, all gone. Cloudpaw rolled into a ball, and cried himself to sleep.

Cloudpaw awoke expecting to hear the earthshaking snores of his room mates. Silence. He glanced around, then remembered where he was. In a jail, a prison. He was a lone polar bear, rooming the vast, lifeless plains of the Arctic.

Suddenly, there was a hollow scratching sound. A small hole appeared in the roof. Slowly is grew, expanding till it showed the smiling face of...FIREHEART!

"Come young one", Fireheart cooed.

Cloudpaw grinned and prepared to jump. The apprentice lept, but fell short. He tried again. The same results.

"Stubby", Fireheart joked.

"Am not", Cloudpaw hissed.

The two toms broke out into a whisper war.

"Are too".

"Are not".

"Are _too_".

"Are _not_".

"Are _too_".

"Your mother is a kitty pet", Cloudpaw insulted.

Fireheart gasped at such rude language, than remembered his mother _was_ a kitty pet. "Oh-ya! Well, you mother is a fat, lazy mouse brain".

"Uhhhhhh, Fireheart, that's your sister you just insulted", Cloudpaw replied smugly.

The very mature warrior answer with a very grown-up, "Are too".

"Are not".

"Are too".

"Are not".

"Are _too_".

"Are _not_".

"Are _too_".

Finally, Cloudpaw lost it. "ARE NOT!"

Dozens of warriors crammed into the cell, trying to seize the intruder.

"Later losers!", the deputy cried, disappearing from view.

Hours turned into days and days turned into unicorns...oh, sorry...and days turned into _weeks_, my bad.

Cloudpaw spent most of his time sleeping (like usual) and staring blankly out a window that didn't exist.

Then, one summer evening, a frimilier face appeared in the hole in the roof.

"I'm coming Cloudpaw", Fireheart assured him. The great warrior heaved himself to his feet, and leaped down into the hole. Now the hole was big, but not big enough to allow a full grown warrior to pass through it.

Cloudpaw glanced up to see his mentor's lower half, jammed up in the ceiling. With a heavy sigh, the loyal apprentice heaved the rest of the body down into the cell. "Your fat", he mumbled.

Fireheart narrowed his eyes, rubbing his sore abdomen. "If anyone around here is fat", he shot back, "it's you chubby".

"It's all this fur, it makes me look poofy", defended Cloudpaw.

"Fat", Firestar concluded.

"Poofy".

"Fat".

"Poofy".

"Faaaaaat".

"POOFY!" Cloudpaw screamed.

As Fireheart had a hard enough time getting down, it was physically impossible for him to get back up again before the hoards of warriors closed in around him and Cloudpaw. Before you could say "mouse brain", apprentice and mentor were shoved into a new jail, and a **very **grumpy repair cat was sent to repair the holed roof.

Fireheart shot a menacing glance at Cloudpaw "You have **got **to stop yelling", he concluded.


	2. Blast off for Evil

_**Warning: May contain spoilers for A Dangerous Path. **_

_Sorry it took forever! I had a million other stories going and was having trouble finding time for this one. I know it's short, but I hope you like it!_

**Why Warriors Shouldn't Fly Rockets**

Tigerstar grinned wickedly. Today was the day he would destroy earth, as well as that wretched Firestar! He looked behind him at his crew, which consisted of Blackfoot (His deputy), Oakfur, Boulder, and Russetfur. All either the bravest, or the dumbest of his clan.

"Get ready to grab control of the rocket", the great leader hissed. "Oakfur, Boulder? Create a distraction! Blackfoot? Come with me. Oh, and Russetfur?"

The she-cat looked eagerly over at Tigerstar.

"Change you name. _Russet_fur? Really? That's **not **scary".

With that, the dark ginger female slumped into the bushes to think up a new name.

"Ready? Commence operation, get the rocket thingy!"

The cats bolted into action. Oakfur and Boulder started gnawing at the NASA crew, while Blackfoot and Tigerstar lunged at the new rocket. The deputy set to work on the outside control panel, while Tigerstar helpfully supervised him.

"The green wire goes in the blue slot, not the red one!" Tigerstar corrected.

"Dude! You're colour blind!" Blackfoot pointed out.

"Oh yah!"

Finally, five minutes later, the rocket was ready. The two hopped into the the control room and started randomly flicking switches. It seemed to work pretty well until Tigerstar hit the eject button.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaa!" Screamed Blackfoot as he shot out of sight. Tigerstar shrugged and pushed a few more buttons. The engine roared to life! NASA people dove out of the way, fuel burned, the rocket took off, and Tigerstar screamed himself hoarse.

The freaked-out cat clung on for dear life and barfed his guts out. Now, I won't go into details about barfing in zero gravity, but lets just say it's pretty nasty!

Knock, knock! Tigerstar turned his head to see Russetfur tapping on the window. The tiger tom rolled his eyes and slid open the plastic covering.

"What do you want?" He called.

"I thought up a new name!" Russetfur screamed over the pounding winds.

"What is it?"

The she-cat smoothed her glossy coat and answered, "Buttercup".

"What?" Screeched Tigerstar. "I will **not**! I repeat** not**, have a warrior named Buttercup!" With that, he slammed the window shut on the pour "Buttercup's" paws.

Now, it would normally take a long time to reach the sun. In fact, it would be nearly impossible not to burn up! But somehow, our not-hero made it in about ten seconds without a signal scratch! Go Figure!

* * *

><p>Tigerstar scurried out of the abandon rocket. He, at last, was on the sun!<p>

Quickly, he set to work with his evil plan. Tigerstar pulled out the biggest pair of sunglasses ever and plopped them down on the scorching sun, blocking out the light!

"Ha ha!" He called triumphantly. "Earth will freeze and will have to pay me to turn the sun back on!" Grinning evilly, he plopped down to wait.

1 minute later, the earth was still sunny.

2 minutes later. If anything, it was brighter.

At 3, Tigerstar was getting flustered. _Why wasn't the blasted earth freezing? _

_4_ minutes later. Still stinking' sunny!

5 minutes...6...7... Sunny, sunny SUNNY!

Just before the 8 minute mark, Tigerstar was ready to cry.

Then, just like that, the clock struck 8 minutes and the earth clicked off, dark, like a light switch! It instantly froze and dropped like a stone. It bounced of the edge of the galaxy and bounded off Pluto. Then, earth came hurtling straight at the sun. Tigerstar screamed and hit the dirt as earth collided with the sun, melting all the ice. Then, gravity took its toll. It dragged earth back into orbit as if nothing had ever happened.

Tigerstar sat, tired. _Maybe I'll just stick with ruling the forest. _With that, he layed down and went to sleep. But little did he know, Littlecloud had painted a smiley face in sunscreen on his back, but that's another story!

_Just a quick note on the space part of this. Do not rely on this for a report or whatever. The only solid facts are that it takes 8 or so minutes for the sun to reach earth. And it doesn't just click off. _;)


	3. Sandy Surfing

_**Warning: May contain spoilers for Midnight!**_

_First of all, I would like to thank Rockstar of Thundaclan, for giving me the idea. Thank-you to all of you who reviewed and bothered to read this story. ;)_

**Why Sandstorm Shouldn't Go Surfing**

"Honey?"

Sandstorm groaned and moaned. "What is it?"

"I can't find my swim trunks."

"Well, wear something else, Firestar!"

"But I loved the hot pink palm trees!"

Sandstorm shot him a "hurry up" look.

"Fine", he mumbled. "I'll just have to wear my speedo".

"No, you are not wearing a speedo to the beach, go find your trunks", Sandstorm ordered. Firestar stomped away grumbling.

"Mommy, mommy", two voices called out. Sandstorm whorled around to find her daughters, Squirrelkit and Leafkit dancing about in their swimsuits.

"You two look adorable", she cooed. The kits giggled.

"I can't wait to go to he beach", Leafkit squealed.

"Me too", echoed Squirrelkit.

"I found them!" Firestar came running up to them, swim trunks in hand.

"Where?"

"The elephant had them, duh", he answered.

Sandstorm rolled her eyes "let's go".

Two hours later they were at the beach. "Hey mom?" Squirrelkit tugged at her swimsuit.

"Yes sweetheart?"

"What's this beach called?"

"The Beach, what else?"

The two cats set up the umbrella and blanket as children dashed off to play in the golden sand.

"So, what are we going to do?" Sandstorm asked Firestar.

"Well", Firestar said, looking around, "I-I..." Sandstorm raised an eyebrow. "I signed you up for surfing lessons", he blurted out.

"What?" Sandstorm shrieked. "No way am I **ever **getting on a surfboard!"

**10 Minutes Later:**

Sandstorm was on her hot pink surfboard screaming bloody murder. Oh, how she couldn't believe Firestar talked her into this with a pink surfboard. Sandstorm stopped screaming looked at the surfboard. It _was _hot pink.

"All right class!" The instructor snapped. "We will now be learning the parts of a surfboard". The class scooted in closer. "This". He pointed to a small fin below the board. "Is a fin thingy. I think it stabilizes the board or something", he muttered. He then pointed at the board part. "Now, this is the board part, which you stand on and brag about what colour you got".

Sandstorm sighed at the useless info and scooted over to Tawneypelt, the only other female in the six pack class.

"Can we just surf already?" Moaned Tawneypelt.

"Hush", the instructor called, "Only I will decide when it's time to surf". The cat paused, then spoke, "Let's surf".

Sandstorm trotted down beside the instructor, who she found out to be named Birdbrain. "Sandstorm", a voice called out. She whorled around, but heard a dull thunk as her board stuck something. She turned back to find Bird, dazed and sitting on the ground. But as she did so, her board thunked on something else. Turning back, she found her husband out cold, but her board, one again took out Birdbrain, who was trying to get up. This continued a few more times before the dudes got the message and got the freak out of there.

**4 Minutes Later:**

The class had paddled out to the open sea or ocean or whatever, and were ready for their first lesson.

"Now", Birdbrain instructed, "First we get up on our boards". He demonstrated by getting up and having the board crumble under his big built. "Ops", he mumbled, throwing away the remains of the board.

Sandstorm raised her hand. "Are there shark in these waters?" She asked.

"Pffft", the instructor snorted, "No!"

"Than what's that", she screamed, pointing to a fin sticking out of the water.

"Just some kid's idea of a prank", he shrugged, swimming over to the shark-like fin and lifting it up, revealing...A GAINT GREAT WHITE SHARK!

Boys screamed and leaped in each others arms, Tawneypelt and Sandstorm clung to each other, frozen in fear. The instructor however, was the only calm one among them. He _calmly_ dropped the shark. He _calmly_ got into the emergency boat. He _calmly_ gunned to motor screaming for his freaking life.

The rest of the stranded cats looked at the grinning shark. The great white opened his toothy mouth and roared (do sharks roar?) releasing a wave of tuna breath. The cats inhaled the heaven and eyed the shark.

"Fiiiiiiiiish!" Screamed the four boy cats, racing after the freaked-out sea creature.

The two remaining she-cats looked at each other. "Toms", they murmured.

"Wanna go shopping?" Tawneypelt questioned.

"Sure". So the two went shopping and had the best surfing lesson ever!


	4. The Power of the Snickerdoodles

_Okay, I know very little about Star Wars, but I though it would be cool for a cat to have the Force. So please forgive and tell of any Star Wars mistakes I may have made._

**Why Warriors Shouldn't Have Jedi Powers**

It was a wonderful sunny day, the kind of day that nothing could dampen ones spirits. Nothing that is, except for a having half dead guy drop right in front of you.

"AHHHHHH!" Graystripe screamed like a girl. The Jedi moaned and looked up.

"I-I", he rasped, "I give you my Jedi powers". With that, Graystripe felt a tingling throughout his body, and then the man's eyes glazed over and he lay back, dead as a doornail.

"OH-NO!" Graystripe rushed over to the man, Force-pushing him of a cliff. "Ops", he murmured, then looked at his hands.

"Cooooool!"

**4 Minutes Later**

Graystripe Force-picked up a tree and flung it at a nearby squirrel, which squealed in terror. Laughing uncontrollably, he flung another at a passing flock of geese, sending them all to the ground. A vole tried to sneak past, but was instantly caught and Force-flung it into the lake.

Graystripe laughed harder!

After he recovered from his fit of giggles, the striped warriors eyes his surroundings. An evil grin spread across his face as he spied the ShadowClan camp.

Queens screamed as giant boulders sailed overhead (The rock boulder, not the cat Boulder), threatening to squished their precious kits.

Blackstar desperately looked around for his annoying deputy. He saw her and called out, "Russetfur! Come here!" She didn't respond. Grumbling, he changed his sentence. "_Buttercup_! Come here!" Thankfully, the she-cat trotted up to him.

"Yes Blackstar?"

"Do something about these rocks! Their ruining my evil thoughts."

"What rocks?" She asked blankly.

Blackstar face palmed. Why he had made her deputy, he had no idea. He started to answer her question, when a rock hurtled out of nowhere, pounding the leader into the dirt as it came to a convenientstop right atop his head.

"Ohhhh! Those rocks", she mumbled, stalking away.

Several cats charged out of the fort, but Graystripe easily Force-pushed them back into the camp. This was fun!

**Back at the invaded camp**

Buttercup (a.k.a. Russetfur) dashed to the nearest telephone booth. She quickly dialled 1800-THINGS-THAT-EXPLODE and waited as a woman's voice came on.

"Hello, welcome to Things That Explode! How may I help you?"

"Hi", Buttercup spoke into the mouth piece. "I would like an anchovy pizza, hold the mustered, and a catapult 3000".

"Uhhhh", the women muttered, "We don't sell pizza here".

"Really? Mouse dung! Oh well, just the catapult then", Buttercup sighed. She hung up and waited not ten seconds before a moving van pulled up with her order.

"Here yah go Mac", the driver yelled, dumping a fully made catapult into the camp. Young Buttercup signalled some warriors over and they loaded up the enormous weapon.

**Back outside the camp**

Graystripe paused in his ShadowClan attack. The cats no longer poured out of the camp, trying to fend him off. Suddenly, a flock***** of rocks rained down on him! Before he could act, one conked him painfully on the noggin. Graystripe shook his head rapidly to clear the dizziness, then Force-grabbed a boulder. He hurtled it off a cliff before suddenly realizing he couldn't remember how to let go!

***Okay, okay! I _know_ a group of rocks isn't considered a flock!**

"!" He screamed as he tumbled down the cliff.

Suddenly, he saw it! An old tree on the side of the cliff! Quickly, he Force-snagged the passing branch. Sadly, grabbing a weak tree with a gazillion pound rock attached to you is not the smartest thing to do. The branch crumbled under the heavy weight, falling after the still screaming warrior.

Of course, he couldn't let go, and of course since he is a cartoon, he made a giant Graystripe hole as he hit the ground.

As he dragged himself out of cold, hard ground, he momentarily looked up...TO SEE A TREE FALLING RIGHT ON TOP OF HIM!

Once again, he crawled stiffly out under the tree, only to see...A GAINT ROCK FALLING RIGHT ON TOP OF HIM!

Graystripe groaned and scrambled out from under the heavy mass. He tilted his head up to the sky, making sure nothing else was gonna crush the freak out of him.

The tree and rock were _still _attached by the time he returned to ThunderClan. He carefully shuffled into the camp, making sure the tree and rock were still outside the walls.

Firestar glanced over to find his friend acting strange...er. Padding over he asked, "Something wrong Graystripe?" The gray warrior jumped at the sound.

"Oh yah", he stuttered, "F-fine...everything fine". Firestar glanced over and realized Graystripe's paws were pressed tight against the wall, as if held back by and invisible force.

"Graaaaaystripe", Firestar hissed. Graystripe quickly tried to shuffle away, but tripped! The tree and rock blasted through the walls as the striped tom fell, pulled by the Force.

The cats gawked at the sight, then ran around like chickens with their heads cut off.

Sadly, Graystripe dragged his load into the house.

"Hello Sweety", Millie purred as Graystripe entered the kitchen. "I made snicker doodles! Your favo-". She stopped, screamed, then fainted.

"Oh cookies!" Muttered Graystripe, snagging a handful.

Suddenly, Yoda lept out of nowhere and unleashed his lightsaber. "Striped like padawan Tano, you are! Play nasty trick, she did! Cut off your arm, I will!" With that, Yoda sliced off the warriors arm, along with his tail, head, and lower body.

"Have Jedi powers, warriors should not", Yoda concluded.


	5. What Really Happened

_**Warning: This story contains major spoilers for Sunset. **_

**Why Warriors Shouldn't Read**

_You all know of how Firestar got caught in the fox trap and Brambleclaw saves him and kills Halkfrost and blah, blah, blah. Right? Well, I bet you what you didn't know is what went on during those few moments before Brambleclaw's bravery act. Before the young warrior even appeared, something happened. Something that proves why warriors, truly, truly shouldn't read._

It was simple. One moment Firestar was trotting through the forest, and the next, he was caught in a death grip. He gagged as the iron teeth of the steel monster threatened to cut off his precious air.

Suddenly, two icy blue eyes peeked out from the bushes. The sleek body of a RiverClan cat strutted out after them.

"_Halkfrost!_" Firestar spat out the word like a mouldy mouse.

The ginger tom smiled evilly. His words cut the air like a knife. "How _foolish _of you to stumble into such a obvious trap! Now, Brambleclaw and I will rule the galaxy!"

"Wow", Firestar rasped, "Your going big with this "taking over the world" thing".

"Shut up", the RiverClan warrior hissed.

"I demand justice!" Firestar screeched. "I demand freedom! I demand murder!"

The evil grin vanished off Halkfrost's face. "What's murder?" He asked, puzzled.

"I don't know", the orange tom answered.

"I'll go get Mothwing's purse", Halkfrost suggested, darting away.

**Sometime Later:**

Halkfrost returned with his sister's purse. "Now, to look for the dictionary", he mumbled, shifting through junk. Finally, he stuck his whole head in, coming out covered in make-up.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Firestar screamed.

"Sorry", Halkfrost apologized, wiping off the clown-like paint. "Ah! Here it is!"

"What? The dictionary?"

"No, my eight month old pickle sandwich", Halkfrost exclaimed.

Firestar rolled his eyes. "Let me look!"

Carefully, the RiverClan warriors pried open the fox trap jaws so Firestar could squeeze out. He clicked open Mothwing's purse and looked inside, but immediately fell back, stunned. "THE PINK! IT BURNS!"

Halkfrost shouldered past. "Ah, the dictionary! At last", he cried, then looked at Firestar. "Get back in the trap!"

"Awwwww", he complained, "Do I have to?"

"Yes! That's how Erin Hunter wrote it!"

"That sucks",complained Firestar.

"I know! I die!"

"Wow! Really? Cool!"

"Just shut up and get in the trap!" Halkfrost scanned the definition as a grin slithered across his face. He shoved the book in Firestar's face. "Look!"

Firestar read: **The unlawful premeditated killing of one cat by another. **He gulped. "Ops!"

The still grinning Halkfrost hissed, "You want murder? Well, you'll get murder!" Firestar closed his eyes as Halkfrost raised his heavily armed paw.

CRACK! The sound of an approaching cat rang throughout the forest. Brambleclaw!

"Sucker!" Firestar grinned.


	6. Mission: Attack the Twolegs!

_**Warning: Contains Major spoilers for random parts from series one to three.**_

_Okay, on the description of the story I said I was gonna have our cooky cats act like humans, so, here they are! Man, this is gonna be a cat-astrophe!_

**Why Warriors Shouldn't Act Like Humans**

_This story takes place sometime during Fireheart's time as deputy. Bluestar happened to be having an awful time controlling her clan and went on a vacation to Cat-ifornia._

_This story not only tells why warriors shouldn't act like humans, it also tells why you should never-ever-leave your deputy in charge._

Fireheart threw back his head, letting out howl of victory. The other clans members cheered in reply. The warriors had managed to take out three Twolegs (Two adults, one teen) and clam their cozy shelter as the clan's own.

_Man! _Fireheart thought. _Bluestar will be surprised when she sees our new home!_ He tore his mind away from the glorious picture and spoke to his, er, _Bluestar'_s clan.

"Now, let us feed on victory! Let us teach these Twolegs never to mess with warriors! Let all kittypets be free!"

He paused for suspense, "I WILL HAVE YOU TWOLEG'S TRAMPLED UNDERFOOT, BY 50 BABY EARTH WORMS!"

Gasps of horror filled the clearing. Queens covered kit's eyes, and apprentices ducked behind each other. The Twolegs themselves were frozen with fear. (Well, wouldn't you be if a bunch of freakin' house cats came storming into _your _house and tied _you _to a chair? Which they did by the way.)

"Um, Fireheart?" Some random warrior approached him.

Fireheart turned. "Yes Random Warrior?"

"Um we could only find one earthworm, and it's dead", he explained, twisting his tail.

"Well then", Fireheart huffed, "Walk it over the Twolegs. _Fifty times!_"

Random Warrior did as he was told as the rest of the clan entered to building.

Suddenly, a fiery orange she-cat popped out of nowhere. "Hi!" She exclaimed talking really fast, "I'm your daughter Squirrelflight who isn't even born yet! I save all the clans from extinction, and my sister betrays everyone for a love, and her daughter attempts murder, and our whole family goes out the window!" She smiled and disappeared with a crackle.

Everyone stared open mouthed. "I have a wicked hot daughter", was all Fireheart could say.

The cats soon divided amongst the house to explore.

**In The Bathroom...**

"Wow, they have a mini bathtub!" Graystripe giggled, splashing about the toilet bowl.

"Hey, wook guys", Longtail mumbled, squirting a can of toothpaste into his striped mouth. "I have wabies!"

"Twolegs are disgusting", Whitestorm scoffed, "Where is their litter box?" The white warrior leaned back against the handle on the toilet. Now, he would tell you he _accidentally _flushed Graystripe down the toilet. But really, it was just revenge for Graystripe T.P. ing his bed.

"Weeeeeeeeee", Graystripe screamed as he swirled violently around the bowl, disappearing from view".

**Now, We Move To The Bedroom**

"I is flying", cried Cloudpaw. He was jumping on the bed, along with several other warriors.

"Five little warriors jumping on the bed, a _few _fell off and bumped their heads", he sang, then pushed them all off.

**Kitchen (I Hope The Twolegs Didn't Leave The Blender On)**

"SHARP BLADES", screamed Ashpaw as she dashed around the blender, avoiding the blades. (Ops)

"Mesa tooo hooots!" Brightpaw complained, pawing at the oven door.

"Ya-hoo!" Swiftpaw howled, rapping out a tune on the microwave control panel. Suddenly, the potato the microwave was containing, exploded!

"Blub! Blub, blub, blubby?" Fernpaw asked, tapping on the glass of the water cooler.

Thornpaw was perhaps the happiest of the group. The young apprentice had managed to consume four apples, a telephone (hold the mustard), six hunks of salmon, a roast turkey, three cans of cat food, and a partridge in a pear tree (decoration).

**In The Library**

"Best book EVER!" squealed Frostfur, hugging a book.

"Um, Frosty?", Brindleface rapped her on the shoulder, "You know you can't read?"

"Oh", she sighed, chucking the book out the window. Though one problem befell her. It was a boomerang book.

"Mouse brained book", the white warrior cursed, rubbing her head.

**In The (Romantic) Living Room**

"Isn't this wonderful, Sandstorm, my love?" Fireheart sighed. The living room was decorated in deep lavenders and reds. Romeo and Juliet was currently playing, and the two were (giggle) alone.

"Oh Fireheart" Sandstorm snugged deeper into her love's coat.

"Oh Sandstorm!"

"Oh Fireheart!"

"Oh Sandy!"

"Oh-", Sandstorm was cut short by four little voices.

"Oh Swiftpaw", Brightpaw mimicked.

"Oh Thornpaw", Fernpaw giggled.

"Oh Brightpaw!"

"Oh Fernp...", Thornpaw began, then moaned, then threw up from all the food. Probably worlds worst date.

**To The Teen's Room**

"PARRRRTY!" Several warriors coursed, swaying to the blaring music and the flashing lights.

All the clan had come to the teen's room for the ultimate party, except Graystripe.

Ahhh, yes! It would have been the perfect way to end a story, if it hadn't been for...

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" Bluestar hollered, pounding into the room.

All hands flew to Fireheart.

Well Fireheart never did hear the end of it, but clan life prevailed. Fireheart did however learn one valuable lesson. He learned Warriors should never, ever, party when Bluestar is present.

**A Month Or So Later...**

Leopardfur leaned into the small creek just outside the RiverClan camp. The clear water soothed her dry throat. Subconsciously, she glanced up to see a ball of Gray drifting lazily down the stream.

"Howdy", Graystripe waved as he drifted away from the sewer line.

The poor RiverClan deputy could do nothing but stare. She peered down and the water and made a face. This was the last time she would be drinking out of _this _stream!


	7. Cookie Power!

_**Once again, may be name spoilers.**_

_This is a story my BFF and I made. In fact, my BFF (ImmaPickle) and I write much the same stories, just different wording and ideas, and hers are Star wars themed. This story was Star Wars based, so I don't know how well it will be in Warriors. Well, here goes nothing._

_Freak! I have had twelve people read chapter six in the last four hours since I posted! I can't believe people are reading my junk! Thanx though! ;)_

**Why Warriors Shouldn't Mess With Girl Guides**

"Does anyone have a jackhammer handy?"

Well, once again, Firestar's mission to spy on ShadowClan has failed (reeeeeally badly). He had taken a small party containing Cloudtail, Bramblepaw, Dustpelt, and Graystripe to try and sneak into the ShadowClan camp. ShadowClan cats, however, are _not _dumb!

The five warriors had simply rung the doorbell to the camp, and BAM! They were trapped in a giant steel cage (No! I have no idea where they got steel from! So stop asking!), and for some reason, no one had a jackhammer ready for use. Go figure.

"Okay", Cloudtail sighed, "This mission sucks more than my one as an apprentice".

Right on cue, the door to the trap slid open, revealing Tigerstar, claws and all. "Well, well, well!" He sneered, "If it isn't Firestar. You know what I'm going to do to you?"

Three guesses people.

"I WILL HAVE YOU TRAMPLED UNDERFOOT BY FIFTY-!"

"Baby earthworms", Dustpelt sighed.

"That's my line", Tigerstar huffed. "Throw them in the dungeon and do something badish!"

**In A Cell At The ShadowClan Camp**

"Why is there a crater in the floor?" Bramblepaw asked, pointing to the dirty dungeon ground.

"That would have been tubby trying to jump", Firestar mumbled, shoving a finger at Cloudtail.

"I'm not fat", Cloudtail snapped. "It's poofy".

"Fat!"

"Poofy!"

"Fat!"

"Girls, girls", Graystripe cut into their conversation, "You are both pretty! Can we escape now?"

"We could if we had a jackhammer, to tunnel our way out", commented Dustpelt.

Suddenly, a doorbell sounded, followed by the snap of the trap. The door to their cell opened up and a small Twoleg kit was chucked in.

"Would you like to buy a box of Girl Guide* cookies?" She asked.

*Okay, in Canada, we call them Girl Guides. But for other places, like the US, they are called Girl Scouts. Call them what you will, but all make some dang good cookies!

The cats mouths watered, but Firestar cut into their cookie crazed dreams. "Do you have a jackhammer?" He smiled sweetly.

"Sure!" They girl answered, pulling out one from her back pocket. "'Be prepared!' That's our motto!"

Bramblepaw fired up the weapon. "Ahhhhhhhhhh", he hummed, clinging to the out of control tool. "Heeeelllppp meeeessaaa!"

**A Few Minutes Later (Somewhere Inside The Earth)**

Puff, puff, puff! The jackhammer groaned and coughed, finally coming to a stop.

"I'm alive!" Bramblepaw cheered, jumping off it and kissing the ground. "HOT!" He squealed, leaping back up.

The warriors and the Girl Guide looked around. The landscape was a mix of lava and rock. The only escape, it seemed, was a small hole in the roof.

Suddenly, a crack sounded. The small, rocky platform they were standing on was growing smaller by the second. Soon, there was only room for the six creatures. Down below was a ten minute drop to the lava underfoot

"Hey, I know what will cheer us up!" Graystripe cried. "Singing!" He alone broke out into song.

"I'm walking on sunshine! Wa, wa, whoo! I'm walking on sunshine! Wa, wa, whoo!

The poor warrior was completely oblivious that he had left the rock and was floating in mid air till the second verse.

"I'm walking on...lava? WAH! WAH! WHOOOOOOOOO!" Too late. He started falling.

The rock was growing smaller! Firestar thought fast.

"Hey guys", he called, "Let's play a game!" He tilted back his head and let out a howl of a song!

"Their were five in bed and the little one said; Move over! Move over! So they rolled over and one fell out!"

The cats obeyed. Finally, it was just Firestar and the girl left.

The cookie seller jutted out her chin. "I'm not moving!"

"Well then", Firestar reasoned, "How you gonna get out?"

She thought, then replied, "Easy!" She yanked out a cookie box from nowhere and popped one in her mouth.

Jumping off the cliff she yelled, "Cookie powers! Unite!" Amazingly, she sprouted a cape and mask (made of cookies) and zoomed down to rescue the still falling cats.

"Hey!" Firestar called. "What about me?"

The girl and warriors flew out of the middle of the earth, leaving Firestar all alone.

"Guys?" He whispered. "Anyone? Help!"

_Okay, one of the questions that has been asked is how to warriors survive this, or how do they live through that. Well, two words: Stunt! Double! As for the stunt doubles, I really have no clue. Or as to how Firestar could escape. Review me with how you think our hero could possibly survive. I want to hear what you think! ;D_


	8. The Prince and the Warrior

_**Okay, you know, assume all of them include name spoilers, okay? I'll tell of big spoilers though.**_

_Thanx winterthaw of thunderclan for suggesting Berrynose's minions and all that!_

**Why Firestar Shouldn't Summon Minions**

"_Hey!" Firestar called. "What about me?"_

_The girl and warriors flew out of the middle of the earth, leaving Firestar all alone._

"_Guys?" He whispered. "Anyone? Help!"_

Sadly, he plopped down on the disintegrating rock. Oh, how he ached for a way out.

Hey! He thought. If the girl guide thingy could fly, maybe I can too! With that, he leap off the cliff, shouting, "Idiot powers! Unite!" Nothing.

"Cookie powers! Unite!"

"Girl guide powers?"

"Pork chops?"

"Tree?" That did something. The not-so-great leader turned into an old oak tree, falling faster than ever.

"Nothing powers! Stop!" He bellowed, turning back into plain old Firestar. Quickly, he grabbed the edge of a passing cliff and heaved himself up.

Suddenly, a voice called out, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down thy hair. Fore thou has come to rescue thee!"

Firestar peered over the edge to see a very convincing looking cat prince. "Ummm", Firestar began, "You can just take the stairs".

"That too", commented the prince. So, best he could in his velvet shoes, the prince scaled up the stairs. When he reached the top, dramatic music began to play.

"I have searched far and wide to find thy beautiful-", he stopped suddenly as his eyes fell upon Firestar.

"That is one dang ugly princess", he finished.

"You aren't exactly prince charming yourself. Where do you shop? Jerks "R" Us?" Firestar snapped, then softened. "Names Firestar, leader of ThunderClan".

"Arlando", he stated, plopping down beside Firestar. "But you can call me Arny".

"You are a prince?" Firestar guessed.

"Yeah. Sucks though".

"Why?"

"Dude!" He cried, "We don't get skateboards, and we have to talk like Shakespeare!"

"Oh. You were on your way to rescue a princess?"

"Rapunzel. Dude! The chick gets captured by a witch every other week!"

They sat in silence for a full minute, then Firestar spoke up, "Get me out of here and I'll gladly let you into my clan".

"Awesome!" Arny whipped out a cellphone and began walking around the room, desperate for a signal.

"What's your number?" He asked, his finger hovering over the buttons.

"1800-WE-ARE-ARE-ALL-IDIOTS", Firestar replied, not batting an eyelid.

"Here!" Arny handed him the phone. It was Berrynose who answered.

"Hello! Berrynose? Look, I need your help!...No! I don't care that the games on right now!...Fine, I'll give you a raise! Just get me out!" Firestar snapped the lid shut. "He's coming, and he's bringing his minions*!"

***A note on Berrynose's minions. They are plushy creatures with tazer tails, laser eyes,**

**fangs of fury, paws of death, etc. So, in other words, they are pretty much the scariest thing you could ever meet. (Except for an angry Whitestorm who hasn't had his daily six cups of coffee).**

**20 Minutes Later**

"Firestar's in there?" Gasped minion number thirteen.

"Well he _is _a mouse brain", Answered twenty.

"I'm hungry", whined fifty-two.

"Shut up!" They chorused.

Berrynose raised his hand for silence. "Minions!" He hollered.

The minions stood at attention.

"Form a chain!" They did, lowering themselves into the fiery underworld.

A few minutes later, both Arny and Firestar were back on dry ground again.

"Thanx Berrynose", Firestar thanked him. "But, may I ask a question?"

"Shoot".

"Why did you get all these minions?"

Berrynoes shifted uncomfortably. "No reason".

"He got us so we can help him overthrow you!" Minion number fifty-two shouted.

With one swift push, Firestar launched Berrynose into the earth, his minions diving after him shouting, "Master!"

"Dude", Arny stated, "You guys have major issues!"

**Later That Day**

"All cats old enough to catch their own play, join beneath the Highrock for a clan meeting!"

Cats poured out of their dens like water, gathering at the base of Highrock.

"We gather here to make this Arny dude...thingy...a warrior...thingy. And blah, blah, blah...your a warrior! Hurrah! Chant his name and everyone can go do more important things", Firestar finished.

"Arnythingy, Arnythingy, hurrah", droned the cats, going back to resting, eating, sleeping, grooming, cleaning, healing, playing, licking, fighting, practising, scolding, hitting, spitting-

[ I'll just say bye now and save you the boredom]

-crying, winning, battling, meowing...


	9. Graystripe's New Hat

_Check out my poll on what do you call a group of rocks._

_Thanx ImmaPickle, great story idea!_

_Okay, yes, I know I take forever to post chapters, and when I do, I crank out two or three at a time. I keep getting board of chapters and moving on to new ones, then finishing them all at the same time. XD_

**Why Firestar Shouldn't Have Pets**

Firestar was feeling downright miserable today. Nothing, not even Sandstorm's skirt flying up, could change his cloudy mood.

"Talk to him Graystripe, you're his best friend", exclaimed Cloudtail. Graystripe looked doubtful, but went to see his old friend.

"Hi Firestar!" He shouted cheerfully, entering the leader's den.

"Hi Graystripe", Firestar mumbled, sinking lower into his easy chair (The only item Bluestar had allowed him to keep from the Twoleg raid".

"Okay", Graystripe sighed, "What's wrong?"

Firestar shifted in his chair. "It's just well...", he trailed off. Graystripe nodded, encouraging him to continue.

"I wanna pet", he blurted out.

Graystripe sighed again. "You know, taking care of a Twoleg is **a lot** of work!"

"I know", Firestar admitted, "But I'll change his litter box, and feed him, and love him!"

Suddenly, Sandstorm called out from the other room. "NO! YOU ARE **NOT **GETTING A TWOLEG! THEY SMELL AND AREN'T HOUSE TRAINED! STETTLE FOR SOMETHING ELSE!"

Graystripe chuckled, "Can't argue with the Mrs."

"I know", Firestar agreed, "It sucks!"

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Sandstorm hollered.

"Nothing Sweet Cakes!"

**Two Hours Later:**

They boys were down at the local pet store picking out a pet.

"Oh, look at this mouse! He's so cute", Firestar squealed.

Graystripe glanced up from the snake he was holding to the little white mouse in Firestar's paws. Drool started to drip from his mouth.

Firestar had recently became a vegetarian (Long story), so the thought of having a potential dinner as a pet was fine to the great leader.

Graystripe longed to leap forward and grab the juicy morsel. He longed so much in fact, that he didn't realize he was squishing the snake till it got feed up and swallowed him!

"So, what do you think of the mouse?" Firestar asked.

"My mink mick mucks", he replied through the thick snake skin.

**Translation: I think it sucks.**

"I knew you would love it", Firestar exclaimed.

The striped warrior sighed as he desperately tried to pull off the grinning snake.

**One Hour Later:**

"You are sooooooooooooooo cute", Firestar squealed. He was on his way home from the pet store, mouse in hand.

"Now", he said to no one in particular, "What should we name you?" Suddenly, he snapped his fingers.

"I know! Ralph! Ralph the mouse! Perfect!"

Quickly, he picked up "Ralph" and took off for ThunderClan.

**Back At The Pet Store:**

"I'm sorry sir", the clerk insisted, "But you have to pay in order to take this snake from the store!"

"Muf My Mant Met Mt Moff", wailed Graystripe, still trapped in the snake.

**Translation: But I can't get it off!**

"Sorry sir, but I didn't quite get that", the clerk smirked.

"My moo miffin mittle mrit fritn witle weller!" Graystripe snapped.

**Translation: Why you #!*^&%$ little ^$^***

With that, he snatched a nearby vase and smashed it atop the clerks head.

**Now, Back To Firestar**

"LOOKIE! A MOUESY!" Firestar bellowed to his stunned clan.

Heads swerved in the leaders direction, only to rest upon Ralph.

"Ralph!" Firestar gestured to the mouse.

"Squeak", Ralph cried in terror.

"MOUSE!" Shrieked the cats, pounding after the bolting rodent.

"No! RALPH!" Cried Firestar, racing after his clan.

**Okaaaaay. Now We Go To Graystripe.**

"Ahhhh", Graystripe sighed, after finally pulling off the snake.

Suddenly, a pounding filled the air like a herd of wild elephants. A look of terror crossed his striped face as his fellow warriors ran him over, literally! Leaving tire marks across his flat body.

The clerk sighed and yanked out a bike pump. Pushing it up and down several times, he managed to blow the deputy back up again.

Sadly, the snake was back on the warriors head, and showed no sign of budging.

Graystripe fell to his knees and called out into the cold, forest air, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


	10. The Weaners

_**IMPORTANT!**** In my stories, the warriors retire! They don't die! So, Bluestar, Whitestorm, Loinheart? They are all either warriors or elders. They don't DIE!**_

**Why Warriors Shouldn't Travel On Airplanes**

_Vacation! _The thought bounced around in Firestar's head. He was going on vacation for one whole week! Firestar had been voted "The Most Awesomest Warrior". As a reward, he was to go on an all expenses payed, cruse of random places! To get to the cruse ship, he would have to take an hour plane ride.

Unfortunately, Tigerstar placed as "The Most Unawesomest Warrior", so he would be with Firestar 24/7.

He double checked his bags, then his list. Everything from a toilet bowl, to a bowling ball was crammed into Firestar's bag. The leader struggled to heave the unnaturally heavy bag onto his shoulder, and set out for ShadowClan.

**Over at ShadowClan, in Tigerstar's den...**

"Did you pack your undies?" Tigerstar's mother screeched.

The striped warrior cowered at her voice. Most cats would say Tigerstar is the scariest cat in the forest, well, those cats haven't met his mother.

"B-but m-m-om! Cats-s don't w-wear und-derwear!" Tigerstar stuttered.

"Are you saying I'm wrong about something?" She thundered.

"No mom", Tigerstar muttered.

The doorbell rang just as Tigerstar managed to scrounge up some...uh..._undies._ Fortunately, Mrs. Tigerstar answered it. Unfortunately, she chose to let that person in just as Tigerstar was stuffing his undergarment into his trunk. And, even more unfortunately, that person was Firestar.

It took Tigerstar fifteen minutes to finally get Firestar to stop laughing, so they had to hurry to catch their plane.

**A little while later, at the airport...**

For those of you who have not gone through an airport, here is what it is like.

Stand in line.

Get your tickets.

Stand in line.

Put your luggage on a conveyor.

Stand in line.

Send your carry-on through a scanner.

Walk through a giant arch that senses if you are carrying bombs.

Stand in line.

Wait.

Board the dumb plane!

Anyway, the warriors were currently at step 6 and 7. Of course Firestar bag sent alarms blaring off left and right.

"Sir!" An attendant announced, "Please open your bag".

Firestar fearfully bit his lip, "Are you sure you want me to do that?"

"YES!"

Firestar squeezed his eyes shut and zipped open his bag. Instantly, stuff poured out, filling each corner of the airport with Firestar's junk.

"PUT IT BACK!" The attendant screamed, his voice muffled by items. Firestar quickly gathered it all up and put it away. He stepped through the scanner and hurried over to the waiting area.

Tigerstar's bag went off as well. "Would you like me to open it?" He asked.

A look of fear crossed the attendant's face as he hollered, "NO!"

Tigerstar shrugged and walked through the scanner. Bleep! Bleep! Bleep! Alarms blared.

The attendant looked close to tears. "What is is with you guys and alarms?" He sobbed to no one in particular.

Another guy came up to Tigerstar and ran a magnetic bar across him, searching for the source of the disturbance.

Beep, beep, beep, beep! It sang as it waved over his paws and mouth.

"Please sir, what do you have that is setting off this thing?" He asked.

"Oh", Tigerstar thought for a moment, "Maybe these". He pulled his lips into a snarl and extended his claws, letting lose a blood curtailing howl!

"!" Screamed the attendant, and he took off down the airport.

Tigerstar shrugged and plopped down beside Firestar to wait for the plane.

**Half an hour later...**

"Passengers boarding plane 36, please board now", came a recorded voice from the speakers.

The two warriors got up, and boarded the plane.

"Look! There's our seats", Tigerstar called.

"I call the window seat!" Firestar shouted.

"No, I do!"

"No, I do!"

"NO! I do!"

"NO! I do!"

Tigerstar unleashed his claws and waved them in Firestar's face. "I do".

Firestar gulped. "You do".

The boys settled down and waited for the plane to take off.

"Hello, this is your captain speaking", a voice called out over the intercom, "Thank-you for choosing Santa Airlines where our motto is; Your safety is none of our concern. Now, if you will turn your attention to the safety manual in your front seat pockets, we will guide you through our emergency courses".

The voice clicked off and a woman's came on. "Hello ladies and gentlemen, may I direct your attention to the emergency exits on either side of the plane. If they must be opened, shove people out of the way till you reach it. We do only have twelve parachutes, so please, try not to kill anyone to get to them. The life masks above you may not work, and the life raft is probably full of holes. Remember, we are not considered the safest airline, and most of you are idiots to have chosen it. We are also proud to announce we have gone twenty-six hours without crashing. And please, no screaming during take off. Thank-you!"

Tigerstar and Firestar stared at each other in shock. "That's why it was free", Firestar managed.

The airplane taxied down the runway at incredible speed! Speed, that could potentially rip the plane apart.

A pretty blonde girl came down the isle calling, "Barf bags! Three dollars!" People were chucking money like crazy at her, scrambling for the bags.

Firestar sank into his chair, hoping, praying, for the nightmare to be over.

**On hour and thirteen barf bags later...**

"Thank you once again for flying Santa Airlines. We will _hopefully _be landing in a few minutes. We ask you once again to not scream on the descent. Remember! Safety third!

Thankfully, the plane did land. Tigerstar stomped into the planes cockpit to give the pilot a piece of his mind. He threw open the door, only to find a little kid playing with the controls.

The kid turned. "I twee and a half!"

A man in the corner of the room turned. "Oh! Hi there! It's my son's birthday, and so I let him drive the plane".

Firestar joined Tigerstar, opened mouthed at the "twee" year old boy in the pilot's seat.

"Dude, remind me _never_ to fly in a plane again", Firestar whispered.


	11. Tigerstar Feels Fruity

_Sorry to all those of you that have suggested things, and I have not got back to. I do promise that I __will__ included your wonderful ideas in a story of some sort. Make sure that your P.M. is on though if you're making a suggestion. That way, I can ask questions._

**Why Warriors Shouldn't Go On Vacations Part: 2**

"!" Firestar giggled, "This. Is. Awesomeness!"

The leaders had just gotten off Santa Airlines, and were snagging their bags from the carousel. (Firestar was chasing after his bag on the carousel).

"Come ooooon!" Tigerstar moaned, "We are going to be late!" With that, he grabbed Firestar by the scruff of the neck and dragged him out the door.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! I want to wide the wittle spinny thingy!"

Tigerstar sighed and stuffed a crying Firestar into the back seat of a cab. "To the dock! And step on it!"

Sadly, the cabbie took to Tigerstar's words with much enthusiasm. He floored it! Firestar even stopped crying!

"Ohhhhh", the flame pelted warrior moaned, "I think I left my stomach back on west ave."

"Dude!" Tigerstar screeched, "STOP!"

The cabbie yanked on the emergency brake, sending Firestar through the front windshield!

"I believe I can fly!" He giggled, right before he smashed into the pavement.

"Ouch", Tigerstar mumbled. He looked at the cabbie. "Keep driving".

"What about him?" The driver pointed to a deluxe, pancake model Firestar.

"Leave him, and hurry". Only when the words left his mouth did he realize his mistake.

"NO! No stop-" But the cabbie was already going 160!

"Stop?" The cab driver asked.

"No!" Too bad. The cab lurched to a stop, sending Tigerstar through the window.

"American's", the cabbie mumbled, driving away.

Firestar trotted up to his squashed companion. A light bulb went off over his head as he yanked out a portable bike pump, stuck one end in the warriors mouth, and pumped like crazy.

Swoosh! Swoosh! Swoosh! Little by little, Tigerstar expanded until he was once again, full height.

Tigerstar shook himself off, his face purple with anger.

"Ohhhhhh", Firestar squealed, pointing at Tigerstar's head, "Grapefruit!"

"I'M NOT A GRAPEFRUIT!" He hollered, "And besides, grapefruit is yellow".

"Orange".

"Yellow".

"Orange!"

"Yellow!"

"Yellow".

Tigerstar unsheathed his claws. "It's orange and that's final!"

Firestar grinned. "Orange it is".

Tigerstar shook his furry head. Something wasn't right here. In the end, he shrugged, letting it past. "Let's get to the boat Mouse Brain".

**A few minutes later, on the boat...**

"This will be your cabin sir", the deckhand said, gesturing to a door numbered 101.

"Where's mine?" questioned Firestar. The deckhand seemed to notice Firestar for the first time. He checked his clipboard, then shrugged. "Sorry, but this is the only cabin left. You'll have to share".

Firestar swallowed, then glanced at his arch enemy. Tigerstar grinned, displaying his long, sharp teeth.

The leader of ThunderClan gulped as the attendant shoved them in the room. It was small. Very small. Too small. There was a rickety iron bunk bed covering the right wall. The bed was so small, Firestar's feet touched the end. A tiny dresser covered the left wall. A porthole took up the rest of the back wall. Not the ideal place to be with your enemy.

Firestar shoot Tigerstar a sideways glance. Tigerstar rolled his eyes.

"I don't bite you know", then added in a whisper, "At least not in this moment in time".

Firestar stared at him like he was a deadly warrior. (Which he was, but you get the point).

"Well, I'm hitting the hay", Tigerstar yawned, showing off his enormous canines.

Firestar cooked his head, confused. "There's no livestock aboard this ship, and even if you did find hay, why would you want to hit it?"

Tigerstar face palmed. "It's an expression you idiot!

"Ohhhhh", Firestar nodded, "I can make expressions. Look!" He made a happy face, a sad face, and was in the middle of a angry expression when Tigerstar interrupted him. "No. Like a saying, you know".

"I don't know".

Tigerstar turned red, his claws itching to come out.

"Now your a strawberry!" Firestar exclaimed, making Tigerstar madder.

"NOOOOO!" He bellowed, "I'm not a strawberry, I'm not a raspberry, I'm not a grapefruit, blueberry, or anything else!"

"So your not a cat?"

"No! I mean yes, I mean-oh forget it! I'm going to bed".

"I thought you were going to hit the hay".

Tigerstar sighed. This was going to be a looooong night.


	12. A Meal for IdiotsAKA Tigerstar

_Sorry. I've been at camp all month with no internet! **Gasp!** Well, anyway, here's part 3. I'll do 4 more segments on the four different places they go...and perhaps one on how they get home, with the plane and all. Oh well, we'll see._

**Why Warriors Shouldn't Go On Vacations Part: 3**

"Tigerstar. Tiiiigerstaaaaar".

Tigerstar groaned and rolled over.

"Wakey wakey ".

More groaning.

"Wake! Wake up!", Firestar hollered in his ear. Tigerstar bolted awake.

"Who's attacking who? Thunderclan? GRRRR!"

Firestar nodded. "Good alertness. Excellent form, but you might want to take the curlers out before you start threatening anyone."

Tigerstar mumbled some curses I dare not repeat and plucked the pink curlers out one by one.

"What do you want Mousebrain?"

"Oh!" Firestar squealed. "I want chocolate cake, a cherry soda, and a partridge in a pear tree...medium rare."

"No, no! I'm asking why you woke me up at this unruly hour!"

"Oh. That." Firestar frowned. "I can't remember".

[cue face palm]

Tigerstar bit back his anger. He knew if he killed Firestar, the vacation would be over. That would suck, but at this point killing his enemy looked real good.

"Well, if your up, we should get breakfast", Firestar pipped up. So the pair headed down to the dinning room.

"Nice set up". Tigerstar noted, taping the oak desk. The dinning hall was elegant, with velvet curtains and chairs (which he was itching to claw up) , laced table cloths, and a roaring fireplace in the centre. The warriors were in line, waiting to be seated. Casually, Tigerstar glanced at the signs.

**NO**

**DOGS**

**ALLOWED!**

**(cats welcome)**

**Children not**

**permitted**

"Dang!" Tigerstar grinned, "Guess you can't come in, Firestar".

"Ha. ha." Firestar hissed. "Very funny".

"This way please", a catriss smiled (Catriss? Waitress? Get it? **Giggle **Oh, never mind.).

The _catriss _lead them to a table and gave them each a menu. "I'll be back in a minute to take your orders. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"Bloody Mary!" Tigerstar roared.

"Oh. Uh, waters fine". Firestar whispered.

The catriss took their orders and left. Firestar glanced at the menu.

_Menu_

_Items Prices_

_Mouse...1 Mouse_

_Rabbit...1 Rabbit_

_Cow...1 Cow_

_Frog...1 Frog_

_Bird...1 Bird_

_Fish...1 Fish_

"Okaaaaay", Firestar exclaimed, "Worlds most pointless menu".

"Hello sir, may I take your order?" The catriss smiled.

"Yes, I would like the cow", Tigerstar stated.

"That will be one cow sir".

Tigerstar yanked out a cow and threw it to a surprised catriss. Once she had overcome her shook, the catriss pulled out a plate, set the cow on it, and served it to Tigerstar.

"And for you?"

Firestar thought (Yah, I know. Surprising, as Firestar doesn't think much). "I'll have another water". He got water.

"Now, gentlemen, what will it be for dessert?

"TIGER ICE CREAM!" Tigerstar hollered, causing several other cats to stop and stare.

"Water", Firestar sighed.

A few minutes later, she came with the bill. She turned to Firestar. "May I ask you one tiny question?"

"Shoot".

Suddenly, some random dude yelled, "STOP! Don't shoot! I'll give you my money!"

"No". Firestar face palmed. "I meant go ahead and tell. But, one second thought, I'll take that money".

"No".

The catriss smiled. "Sir, why is it you always order water?"

"Oh". Firestar grinned sheepishly. "So I can go wee, wee, wee all the way home".

Suddenly, several pigs trotted over. One was dressed for the market and another was dressed in P.J.'s. Th other two were fighting over roast beef, but the smallest one came up to Firestar and cried, "That's my line!" He kicked Firestar and scampered off.

"Awwwwkward!" Tigerstar mumbled.

"I'll say", Firestar added, rubbing his shin. "Hey, let's find out where we are going on this nut job of a cruise".

"Okay"

So the two wandered down to the captain's quarters. There they found the captain, first mate, and several other assorted crewmen playing Spin The Bottle.

"Okay", the captain was saying, "Everyone pick somewhere they want to go".

The captain spun the bottle. It landed on a crewmen with buck teeth and long bushy brown hair.

"Squirreland!" He hollered gleefully.

"Aye", the crew echoed, "Squirreland!'

"All right, Squirreland it is", the captain agreed.

"Squirreland it is!" Roared the crew.

"Would you stop that?" Snapped the captain.

"Stop it!" The crew cried.

The captain rapidly began hitting his head against the nearest wall.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Tigerstar asked to no one in particular.

"DOING!" Sang the crew.

Tigerstar, who patients was already worn thin, pulled out a chainsaw and started to chase after the crew.

Firestar sighed and padded up the the captain. "What are you doing?"

"Hitting my head on a wall".

"No. What _were _you doing?"

"Yelling at my crew".

"No! Before that. Ugh! Never mind".

"Oh! You mean Spin The Bottle! Yah. We were planning where we are going on this cruise".

"Oh. Where?"

"Here's a schedule.

**Schedule for the SS Unlucky**

(I know, get name for a ship)

**Day 1**** Leave port**

**Day 2**** Jelloland**

**Day 3**** Nothingland**

**Day 4**** Eviland**

**Day 5**** Squirreland**

**Day 6**** Return to port**

_How many of you caught the Madagascar line played by King Julian? Anyone? How about my joke about the piggies at the dinning hall? You know that thing. This little piggy went to the market, this little piggy stayed home... Ugh! Never mind! [eye roll] _


	13. The Fan

_Okay, no one seemed to get my Madagascar joke. It was were Firestar was waking Tigerstar up. You know, when King Julian wakes "Mr." Alex up. Dude! Did anyone get my joke?_

_BTW! My BFF is whipping' me in reviews, please people! Review! Thanx to those who have. Your my favourite XD_

**Why Warriors Shouldn't Go on Vacation : Jelloland**

Firestar and Tigerstar were just finishing an awkward lunch when the ship docked at Jelloharbor. It took awhile, as the dock was made of jello and tended to bounce ships back the way they came.

"Wuppie!" Tigerstar hollered, running down the gangplank. "Awesomeness!" With a running start, he lept off the ship and into the jello-filled land.

**A note on Tigerstar**

**Most people think Tigerstar is "thin". But he is, in fact, rather large. The only reason he is "skinny" in the books, is because he would ripe Erin Hunter's throat out if she said any different.**

SPWOSH! Tigerstar instantly sank through the lake blue jello.

"Sucker!" Firestar snickered, skating past him.

Tigerstar tried to throw an insult back at him, but it came out more like, "Bloo blup blup bue blee!" Suddenly, Berrynose swam past him.

"Have you seen my minions?"

"Um no..." Tigerstar gawked.

With that, the berry nosed warrior disappeared.

**Back with everyone's favourite cat...**

Tigerstar had sunk so low, that the Flame pelted warrior couldn't even see him!

Well, Firestar thought, might as well explore. First the warrior walked into the Jelloforest. He watched in awe as a Jello George of the Jungle crashed into a Jello tree. You can guess how that turned out.

**Back with everyone's least favourite cat...**

"Spoons, spoons for sale!" A pudgy man in a white suit waddled past with a tea tray full of spoons. "Perfect for eating your way out of jello!"

"I'll take one!" Tigerstar exclaimed.

"That will be one elephant sir".

"But where am I gonna find an elephant?"

"I don't know. Zellers? They have everything from A-Z!"

"What is with you people and trading animals?" Tigerstar sobbed. "As if Firestar wasn't enough-"

"YOU KNOW FIRESTAR?" The tea tray dude dropped his spoons.

"Uh, yeah".

"_THE _FIRESTAR?"

"Yes, and could you stop yelling in my ear?"

"FIGHTER OF BATTLES, LEADER OF THUNDERCLAN, ONCE A KITTYPET? THAT FIRESTAR?"

"YES! NOW STOP YELLING IN MY EAR!

"Okay, okay, you don't have to yell". The man stuck out his hand. "Name's Gus, leader of the FF. But you can call me Gus for short."

"Uhhhhh...okay 'Gus', what's the FF? Fantastic Four? Floating Failures? Fruity Falcons?"

"No, the Firestar Fan Club!"

"Wouldn't that be FFC?" Tigerstar pointed out.

"No, Fan Club is one word".

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Give me a spoon!"

"NO!"

"Please?"

"NO!"

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

**Let us leave the quarrelling pair and return to Firestar, who is strolling Jellocity...**

Firestar watched in awe as a little jello kid tried to slam his jello house door. He also watched in awe as the little jello kid got a bouncy jello door in the face.

A jello woman walked past wearing jello high heels. She stuck her nose up at Firestar and continued to walk with as much dignity as one can have when shaking and wobbling.

Another jello woman and her jello dog walked past. It was cute until that jello dog decided to take a jello pee on the nearest jello fire hydrant.

**Back with Tigerstar and...Gus?**

Gus narrowed his eyes. "Look, I'll give you a deal".

"Oh! Goody! I love deals! I got killed because Scourge broke the deal, even though I was gonna break it! But I got to come back to life because Weird Person Who Lives on Mars said warriors don't die in her stories! Yah for me! Did I mention I love deals?"

Gus smacked him on the head. "Listen", he stated, "I'll trade a spoon for Firestar".

Tigerstar rapidly shook his head. He giggled, "For a moment there, I though you said you'd trade a spoon for Firestar".

"I did".

Tigerstar's mouth dropped to the ground (cue Hallelujah singing angels). Get rid of Firestar!

"It's a deal!"

**10 minutes later...**

Tigerstar gasped as his head broke surface. His already enormous stomach was blown up to an impossible size. Not to mention the entire Jellolake had been emptied.

"Hey Tigerstar!" Firestar voice pounded through his head. "Have a nice trip?"

It took all of Tigerstar, and his fat, to control his battle reflexes.

"Want to get some Jello?"

"That was it. Tigerstar ran (or more rolled) into the bushes and threw up.

_[Tigerstar: I'm not fat!] Dream on tubby! [Tigerstar: Take it back!] No. Hey! Put those claws away! Stop it! Owch! Agh! HEEEEELLLLLPPPP MEEEE! [Tigerstar: Take it back! Take it back!] Never! AHHHHHH!_


	14. The Land of Nothing

_Okay, for those of my wonderful fans that have not checked out my new story, it's up! 101 Ways to Annoy Your Fellow Warriors is a huge sucess. 56 poeple in the first day! But only three reveiws... Anyway, let us see what our dinamic duo are doing._

**Why Warriors Shouldn't Go on Vacation: NothingLand**

"Okay. This is..."

"Boring?" Firestar mumbled. "Useless, ridicules, hopeless, CRAZY?" He threw his arms up in exasperation.

"Never mind", Tigerstar mumbled. The large tom turned in a 360, taking in the...well...nothingish view. The landscape, held nothing. No trees, no grass, nothing.

Most poeple would think of nothing a white, but it wasn't. Nothingland had no colour. No black, white, purple, green, blue, peach, orange, yellow, red, indigo, emerald, brown, scarlet, blonde, green (did I say that already?) plaid, lime, spotted, safire-

[Sandstorm: Can we just get to the point?]

Zip it dumb blonde.

[Sandstorm: AH! Firestar will have your head for that!]

Not likely. He's to busy throwing his arms up in exasperation.

[Don't talk about my husband that way!]

Go chase a mouse, sister!

[Mouse brained writer!]

Okay, now with that interuption out of the way, let's return to Firestar and his striped companeon.

"I'm board".

"Me to".

"Can I poke you?"

"No".

"Please?"

"No!"

"Please?"

"Yes".

"Really?"

"NO!"

"Well I don't know what to do", Firestar sighed. "I'm board".

"Same here. This land sucks".

"Wanna go watch TV?"

"Sure".

"Lassie?"

"Anything but Disney Princesses again".

So, that's pretty much how the whole ship spent their day. Except for the sailor who wanted to go in the first place. He was running around gasping at the diffrent "objects" and at how "cool" they were.

_Here's my tip. If your planning a trip, don't chose nothing land. Be out with the rest of the chapters soon._


	15. How to Catch a Turkey

_Sorry for not updating! Jr. High just started up and I've been soooo busy. So, to make it up, I'm doing a Thanksgiving special. And, F.Y.I., I'm Canadian, so this story is posted on the correct date!_

**Why Warriors Shouldn't Have Thanksgiving**

Sandstorm gazed out the window, misty eyed. Her husband, gone on vacation, would not be home for Thanksgiving. Slowly, she returned her saddened eyes back to the stove top.

Glorious smells filled her kitchen. Cranberries, mash potatoes, stuffing, bread, gravy, and all of the other wonderful holiday foods. Of course, they threw away everything but the turkey, but still...

"Sandstorm! Sandstorm!" Graystripe dashed into the kitchen, skidding across the floor. Fortunately, there was an object to stop him. Unfortunately, that object was a hard stone wall.

After Sandstorm finished peeling the flattened warrior off her cave, Graystripe continued.

"It awful! It's horrible!" He wailed.

Sandstorm's eyes grew wide. "What? What is it? What's wrong?"

"Millie's sick and can't make snicker doodles! It's soooo sad!"

"Oh, poor Millie."

"Millie? Millie who? I'm worried about the snicker doodles!"

Just as Sandstorm's sandy paw was colliding with Graystripe's face, Dustpelt rushed in. "Theirs no turkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!" He cried, skidding across the floor and crashing into the wall.

"Ouch" He mumbled, rubbing his nose.

Sandstorm rushed up to him. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE HAVE NO TURKEY?" The she-cat hissed. Sandstorm was the best cook in the camp, and took every special occasion very seriously.

"I mean, we never caught a turkey!" Dustpelt snapped back.

A very angry Sanstorm seized Dustpelt's ears, dragging his face inches from hers. "I want that turkey." She commanded, her voice deadly calm. Dustpelt rapidly nodded, then skidded out the door.

"WARRIORS!" His voice rang throughout the clearing. "I NEED THREE WARRIORS TO HELP ME GET A TURKEY! ANY VOLENTERS?" A surprising amount of cats found a sudden interest in staring at the ground. "OKAY THEN! ARNYTHINGY...CLOUDTAIL...AND..." Graystripe slowly crept into the den. "...GRAYSTRIPE!"

"Mouse dung!"

"Where are we going to find a turkey in these wretched woods?" Cloudtail complained.

"The code tells us to respect ourselves and the places around us." Dustpelt reminded.

"You sound like Yoda."

"I know. Screw the code." Suddenly, Dustpelt's ears pricked and his tail bushed out.

"Do you hear something?" Graystripe whispered.

"ShadowClan warriors? We can take them!" Cloudtail hissed, bouncing around.

"No." Dustpelt shook his head. "It smells like roses...and tulips...and pizza!"

"So, the opposite of ShadowClan?" Cloudtail mused.

Dustpelt shrugged. "Pretty much."

"Mouse dung! I was hoping for a fight!"

"Oh! You'll get one." Arnythingy murmured, his voice muffled with fear.

All heads turned to the usually silent prince.

Suddenly, and ear splitting screech filled the woods. "OH PRINCY! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU ROYAL BUM!"

"Who is that?" Cloudtail moaned, paws over his ears.

"That," Arnythingy stated, "Is Rapussel."

"Rapussel?"

"Yeah."

The trees behind the patrol started to quiver, and out popped Rapussel. She was an enormously ugly cat with a wicked long tail and a **BAD** case of dandruff. He bellow shook the forest, scattering birds in all directions.

"I HAVE BEEN IN THAT CASTLE FOR FIVE MONTHS NOW AND THE WITCH IS DRIVING ME INSANE AND THE BED IS FULL OF BUGS AND THE WALLS SMELL OF PUKE AND MY WARDROBE STINKS AND I GET NOTHING TO EAT BUT CERAL AND THE WITCH CALLS ME IRITATING WHITCH I AM NOT AND I KEEP GETTING WHICH AND WHITCH MIXED UP AND MY WARDROBE STINKS AND YOU WON'T RECSUE ME AND I HAVEN'T SHOWERED IN A WEEK AND MY LIFE IS HORABLE AND I GET NO CELLPHONE RECENPTION AND I HATE MY LIFE!

Little did the "poor" princess know, her "charming" prince was long gone.

"So, she's you girlfriend?" Dustpelt asked.

"Freak, no! We meet on an online dating site. She's been stalking me ever since."

"You rescue her a lot?"

"Dude! The chick gets captured ever other week!

"Guys!" Interrupted Graystripe. "Can we just get the turkey!"

"Right!" Dustpelt straightened up. "Let us stop and listen!"

The wind whistled throughout the trees, bringing with it a bitter chill...and, a promising sound. "Gobble, gobble!"

"Turkey!" Hissed Cloudtail, scooting his body forward. Slowly, the other three followed in close pursuit, till the target was visible along the horizon.

"Okay!" Dustpelt plopped down on his rump. "We need a plan! Anyone have one?" An eery silence came over the group.

"Okay. Anyone have a plan to get a plan?"

"Oh, oh! I do!" Cloudtail exclaimed. "Let's call !"

"That makes no sense!" Dustpelt cried. "Let's try it!"

Cloudtail pulled out a banananana (is that to many an's?) and started the yell into it.

"HELLO!...YES! WE NEED A PLAN!...NO! I WON'T STOP SCREAMING!...OKAY! WE'LL TRY THAT!...BYE!

"What did he say?" Dustpelt asked.

"He said to make a lady turkey!"

"Who'll be the bait?"

Graystripe slowly made his way behind a tree. Three voices called out in usion, "Graystripe!", as one sad voice wailed, "Somebody else!"

"You smell good." Cloudtail giggled.

"Shut-up!" Graystripe snapped, ruffling his "feathers". The warrior was dresses in a giant female turkey suit, complete with a dress and hair. Several feathers fluttered to the ground. He was also rapidly losing any remaining dignity as a flash blinded him.

"This is sooo going on YouTube!" Cloudtail giggled.

"Shut-_up_!" Graystripe hissed in fury.

"Break up the chick fight and get moving!" Dustpelt ordered.

Graystripe rolled his eyes and trudged into the clearing. The warriors sprang into action, dimming lights and lighting candles. The turkey's eyes bulged, soaking up the feminine rays coming of the humiliated warrior. Slowly, Graystripe approached, potato sack in hand. Everything was going smoothly, till Cloudtail popped the music in. It would have been great, if the music hadn't been titled "Let's Go Kill Some Turkey's!"

The over sized bird freaked, dashing away best it could on it's stick-like legs.

"Mouse dung!"

The four warriors trotted home, hearth broken and tired. A quick vote revealed Cloudtail was to tell Sandstorm the bad news.

"I'm not going and that's final!" Cloudtail pouted, stomping his pudgy paws

[Cloudtail; They are not "pudgy" paws! I am very slender!]

Right! [Eye roll] Why do all warriors take offence in overweightness?" Anyway, the young warrior didn't have much of a choice. For as fat as he was-

[Cloudtail; Skinny!]

-the other three warriors were much, much stronger. The Cloudtail was thrown into Sandstorm's kitchen, smashing into the wall.

"Sorry about the wall." Cloudtail apologized.

"It's okay." Sandstorm sighed. "That's wall been a pretty big target lately. So, what's up?"

"Um, well...you see...we...um...kinda...forgot the turkey!" The last words came tumbling out of Cloudtail's mouth.

"Oh! That's okay. We went and got one from Wal-mart anyway.

"Um...about that." The two turned to see Cinderpelt in the doorway. "You see...this fat lady...Papuss-something-or-other...came and...kinda ate it.

"McDonalds anyone?"

So, that how the warriors spent their Thanksgiving. I hope all of you, my wonderful readers, will have a much nicer Thanksgiving then our warrior friends. Thanx for reading!


	16. Eviland, Darkness, and Unicorns?

_Welcome back everyone! I just want you to note that my past chapters may change a little, like more detail and punctuation. But nothing much, so don't bother checking back on them. Okay, now that that's cleared up, let us check back on Firestar and our not-so-hero._

_BTW, does anyone know any good punctuating or paragraphing sites?_

**Eviland**

"Screw angels!" Tigerstar mumbled, pacing around the room. He, like all book characters, was having an everyday argument with his little angel and devil.

"Come _on _bro! Sell Firestar out man!" The devil coxed, lashing his tail from side to side.

"Noooooo! Listen to meeeee! You neeeever listen to meeeee!" The angel screeched, pumping his wings with furry.

I guess I better review as to what they were talking about for those of you with short term memory, or you weirdos who like to start **in the middle of a book! ** Tigerstar was referring to his trade for a spoon in Jelloland, and to were he had met a fan who wanted Firestar as a collectible.

"Look", the devil tried again, "In this next land, there will be tons of items, plans, and support! You can't fail!"

"Well... When you put it that way," Tigerstar mumbled. The devil nodded, and, knowing he had won, disappeared with a pop. With some very nasty swear words, the angel to, disintegrated.

The ShadowClan leader grinned, reviling his wickedly long fangs. "Firestar will never know what hit him!"

"Hey Tigerstar!"

The striped warrior screamed, shattering every glass within twenty feet. He worled around, claws extended, ready to fight!

"Hey Tigerstar," Firestar repeated, cocking his head. Tigerstar muscles relaxed, but his tone stayed hostile.

"What do you want!"

Firestar grinned. "I just wondered if you knew what day it is today?"

"December?"

Firestar's grin vanished. "Firstly, December isn't even a day, and secondly...IT'S HALLOWEEN!

"In December?"

"What do you think?"

"Yes?"

"NO!"

"Oh."

The pair were silent for a long time.

Firestar broke the awkward silence. "What are you going to be?"

"An awesome kitty," Tigerstar replied.

"But," Firestar grinned, "You don't have a flame coloured pelt."

Tigerstar looked ready to cry. "But mama always told me I was awesome!"

"You are...just, not in a good way."

Tigerstar's face scrunched up, as if he was trying to calculate Firestar words. He shrugged and replied, "Oh well. So, what are you going to be?"

"Ralph."

"Who's Ralph."

"My pet mousy."

"Didn't Brackenfur eat him?"

Firestar lost it. Tears poured out, streaming across the deck. "POOR RALPH!"

Tigerstar coughed, grunting, "Trick-or-treating?"

The ThunderClan leader's face pearked up immediately. "Trick-or-treating? Let's go!"

Firestar darted around the room stuffing pillowcases and costumes on him and Tigerstar. Finally, he yanked Tigerstar to his feet, dragging him out of the door. "Come on Tigerstar!" Firestar exclaimed, "Let's go trick-or-treating in Eviland!"

Eviland was a vast, barren land. Any plant and light that began to form, was swollen away in a vast darkness. Tortured screams clawed their way into the ears of the cats as the wandered through empty caverns, looking, searching, for life. A dim glow from a boarded up window caught the once kittypet's eye. Firestar tugged at Tigerstar fur, dragging him over to the house. A great wooden knocker hung as the door, letting loose a thundering thud. Slowly, the door creaked open, revealing...A PINK FLUFFY UNICORN!

The unicorn bared his fangs and spoke in a voice cloaked with evil. "Velcome! Vould you vike some candy?" He smiled showing off his rosy cheeks. "WE HAVE COOKIES!

With that, the fluffy creature grabbed a handful of burned chocolate chip cookies, and dumped equal shares into their bags. He then gabbed the rest of the tray, dumped them into his mouth, and died of food poisoning.

Firestar and Tigerstar looked at each other, deciding not to eat the cookies.

The pair carried on along the street, stopping at Grandma Ben's Bakery. The door was answered by a frail old women in a bonnet. She smiled warmly, ushering Firestar and Tigerstar through the door. The two breathed in to aroma of gingerbread and candy. Once again, the women smiled. "Feel free to taste my house. It's made from candy!"

Both warriors rushed to the walls, chomping heavily, devouring every last gulp.

Once they ate their fill, the old women ushered them into her kitchen (Or what was left of it).

"Oh dear!" She cried, I've forgotten my oven mitts in the oven! Be good dears and get them for me!"

Firestar and Tigerstar both rushed for the oven, peeking inside. Suddenly, the old women let loose a cackle, shoving them into the oven. The two leaders struggled to escape as the grandma cranked up the heat.

"Hahaha!" She cackled, "I am not a grandma! I am a witch, and I will have you for supper!"

Tigerstar breathing grew rapped. "We have to get out of her! We HAVE to!"

"Well, we could just use the exit."

"What exit?" Tigerstar whorled around, only then spotting the neon flashing signs of 'exit'."

After the witch and unicorn encounter, the two travelled to several more houses till their bags overflowed. Tired and hungry, the two wandered back to the ship.

"I'm just going to have one last candy." Firestar insisted, grabbing the top treat from his bag. As he popped it in his mouth, he noticed Tigerstar watching him, an evil grin spreading across his face. With a jolt, Firestar realized his mistake. "You poisoned me", he gasped.

"No, just a simple knock-out drug", he hissed, eyes glinting evilly".

Firestar tried to claw at Tigerstar, but the drug was taking effect. Slowly, the eyes of the fiery warrior closed, giving way to darkness.

_Okay, so this wasn't a funny chapter, but I like drama mixed in with humour. P.O.V. XD_


	17. The Game

_**PLEASE READ! IMPORTANT!PLEASE READ! IMPORTANT!**_

_Sadly, this is to be my second to last chapter of __Why Warriors Shouldn't__! I am finding it incredibly hard to post with school and activities (via my not posting for three? Four months?) But, don't freak out! If you haven't seen my __Warriors 12 Days of Christmas__ or 1__01 Ways to Annoy Your Fellow Warriors__, check those out. Also, keep watch for __Why Warriors shouldn't go to Hawaii__, which will be posted soon. As well as a __Why Warriors Shouldn't: 2!__ I promise I will take all of the suggestions and incorporate them in my later stories. _

_**Special thanks to all my reviews...**_

_**Velvet Masquerade, Watercolour Cat, Nightscar of Frostclan, Kingszey, winterthaw of thunderclan, ImmaPickle, Leopardfire97, Honeystar of Awesomeclan, Eaglestarisawesome5, Leafflight, Rockstar of Thunderclan, Sonicdisney, MyrtleFalls, newlife of thunderclan, Iceshadow911247, and everyone else that was either to lazy to review or blew up. 40 reviews, wow!**_

_**Warning, spoiler for Sunrise.**_

**THE GAME**

_**REVEIW: Firestar tried to claw at Tigerstar, but the drug was taking effect. Slowly, the eyes of the fiery warriors closed, giving way to darkness...**_

_Mist swirled around, billowing in enormous clouds around the ThunderClan leader. Firestar's eyes darted back and forth, his haunches heaving with effort. Fear flickered in the toms eyes as he bolted in vain for cover that could never be found._

_Suddenly, a bone chilling howl split the cool, bloodthirsty air as Firestar's head jeered violently upwards. His paws scrabbled for holds on the bare cobble earth as he tore through the night, all the while, howls and moans growing louder and closer, louder and closer, louder...then silence. The tom collapsed in a miserable heap, unable to continue._

_Then, without warning, a the flash of multiple pelts vaporized out of the shadows. The ThunderClan leader let loose a yowl of fear, then fell silent as darkness overtook him._

Leafpool bolted awake, breath coming out in ragged gasps. Jayfeather shifted sleeplessly beside her, his sightless eyes staring blindly at the den's entrance. Leafpool shook her head, slowly rising to her spotted paws.

Suddenly, Icepaw limped in, her back leg a reddened mess. Leafpool sighed, bounding over to the young apprentice.

"What is it this time?" She whispered, her thoughts drifting back to her dream.

"I hurt my paw", Icepaw mumbled. "Foxpaw told me to do it!"

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Leafpool turned to glare at the silver kit. "You'd jump off a cliff if Foxpaw told you too."

"Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw, Icepaw!" Foxpaw tore into the den, screaming as high as her lungs would let her. "Guess what happened, Firestar said I shouldn't tell you to jump off cliffs and that your paw looked bad and I was all like, "He's fine", and Firestar was all like, "I don't care" and I was like, " I like popcorn", and he was like, "Me too", so we like had popcorn and had, like, so much fun and danced, but Sandstorm found out and wupped his butt and was all like, "Come her this instant", and he was like, "Yes dear", and she was all like bazerk and was like screaming and smacked him with a chair and killed him and brought him back too life and kill him again, then brought him back to life and killed him again then brought him back to life and killed him again then brought him back to life and killed him again then brought him back to life and killed him again then brought him back to life and killed him again then brought him back to life and killed him again and then she said, "Hi".

Foxpaw grinned, Leafpool stared, Icepaw twitched, Jayfeather snored.

Leafpool shook her head. "Foxpaw, Firestar isn't even here. He's on a cruise, remember?"

Foxpaw inhaled deeply, her words coming out **one **in an agonizing sentence! "Yeah, I like made that up because dating Firestar would be sooo much fun and gross because he's like rank old and is like my great uncle or something and he's like, "Fire alone can save our clan", and he like saved a forest and fought BloodClan and stuff and it's soooooo cool and he's like my hero and I like hero sandwiches and Subway because it's good but they don't like pets even though I'm not a pet but they still don't let you in just like McDonalds, but it has like awesome playgrounds and twoleg kits and their mothers and stuff that smells like chicken and monsters, which is technical roadkill and I heard your mentor Cinderpelt got his by a monster and hurt her leg I don't even know If I've met her because I'm too lazy to look it up in the book because Erin Hunter never tells me these things and I'm getting dizzy and running out of oxygen which isn't good because I don't care and I can't breath and I'm gonna sleep now".

Foxpaw collapsed, Leafpool facepalmed, Icepaw screamed, Jayfeather snored.

"Gayleather!" Leafpool shrieked, causing the tom to jerk upwards, whacking his skull on an overhang. Scours of flowers tumbled down, covering Jayfeather.

"Dude! It's Jayfeather, honestly you %*!" The apprentice snarled.

Ignoring his language, Leafpool continued. "Take care of Icepaw and his thankfully sleeping sister!"

"Where the ^$%4^# are you going $^%?"

"Somewhere, Rayweather, somewhere!"

"Over the rainbow!" Longtail popped out of nowhere, dressed in frizzy amber braids and a pale blue dress laced with white trimming. A mouse barked at his heels." "Way up high, there's a land that I heard of in a lullaby!" Leafpool slapped him and stormed out of the den. The medicine cat took off as Longtail's voice rang through the air. "To be or not to be, that is the question!"

Squirrelfight yawned, surveying her living room. Mounds of boxes and clothes littered her floor…or what was left of it. Hoarder, collector, stripy, all words that could be used to describe the young she-cat. Stifling another yawn she wadded through the stuff to what had woke her in the first place. The doorbell. Shoving back three balls, a tree, two ducks and a kit she hauled open the door that covered the her den entrance.

"Greetings young Leafpool, what brings to my remote sanctuary?" Squirrelfight smiled.

"Unfortunately, our father".

"There's no father here, unless you have brought him with you." Her eyes narrowed.

"With your kind permission, I should like some aspirin, and to use your home as a base as I search nearly rocks for my father."

Squirrelflight shrugged, rummaging through a pile and yanking out a bottle. Then, leaning close, she whispering in her sister's ear. "He is here. I am being held hostage. He is watching me".

"I understand."

With a last glance over her shoulder, Squirrelflight whispered, "Tenth pile…thousands of of picture frames!"

"Tell you cockroaches to take shelter. If you have potatoes, now is the time".

With a nod, Squirrelflight closed the door as Leafpool padded away. Suddenly, the medicine cat snapped to a stop and spun on her heels. "Wait a minute! Wait a minute! WAIT A MINUTE!" Squirrelflight's door flew open. "What?"

"Why are we quoting Starwars?"

"Because it's cool."

"True, but still. I have something to tell you."

"You having dreams too."

"Yah".

"It's soo scary, red everywhere, howls, pain!"

"Yah!"

"I can never get to sleep!"

"Me too!"

"The ketchup bottle that won't open just haunts my dreams!"

"Yah-wa wait a minute! Ketchup bottle? I was talking about Firestar!"

"Ketchup bottles that won't open are scary. Then you have to settle for mustard on your fries."

"Okay, remind me to never let you watch Mustard Man and Ketchup Kid before bed. But anyway, I keep getting these dreams, nightmares of Firestar in trouble!"

"That's terrible! I'll never know what happens when that daring duo take on Wiener Women!"

"Focus!"

"Yah, right. What would Erin Hunter make me do?"

"Probably be brave".

"Your right, after all I did get to see return of Fri Guy."

"No, be brave and go after Firestar!"

"Oh, right! Do I get the Evil Frier of Doom?"

"No".

"How about the Spatula of Justice?

"No?"

"Meat Grinder of Death?"

"Just go!"

"Fine, pushy pushy!"

"So, how's life?"

Jayfeather shifted his shoulders, feeling the Longtail and the kits nonstop staring piercing his haunches. "Not bad".

"Can we play a game?"

"No".

"How about scrabble?" Icekit suggested.

"Oh yah, I love scrabble, there was this one time I ate a fish and-".

In a frantic rush, he shoved a passing kit into Foxpaw's mouth.

"How about Twister! We can get up close and personal!" Icepaw leaned into Jayfeather shoulder, a deranged grin on his face.

"Twister hop scotch! Oh-yah!" Longtail exclaimed, sashaying around the room.

"NO!" Jayfeather screamed, knocking Icepaw away. "There will be no quoting, no run on sentences, no games, and no pineapples.

Billy the pineapple sighed, rolling away.

"Well, is there any game you wanna play?" Icepaw whined.

This time it was Jayfeather turn to smile. "Well…Leafpool did forbid it, but I can teach you how to play The Game!"

"Your move."

Mousefur glanced up from her chess game, only to realize Longtail had gone. "Mousedung!"

"Rule number one! You are now and forever playing the game! Rule number two! You cannot think about the game! Rule number three! If you think about the game, you lose! Rule number four! If you lose the game you have to tell someone!" Jayfeather sighed, taking a breath. "Understand?"

Longtail, Icepaw, Foxpaw, and a very wet kit looked at each other, then turned to Jayfeather. "I LOST THE GAME!"

"It's not weird to play chess by yourself!" Mousefur mumbled, shoving a pawn over. "It's when you play with yourself and lose, that's weird!" Smiling, she yanked a knight to the side. "Checkmate! I-". The elder glanced around, then stared dumbfounded at the board. "-lose…"

"Find Firestar, find Firestar, find-oh, a rock! Focus!" Squirrelflight slapped herself, then lowered her muzzle to the ground, rump waving in the air. "I smell…I smell…stuff?"

Light filtered through the iron bars of Firestar's kennel, though even that could not warm the bitter feeling of betral that clung fresh in the air. Cracking his swollen eye open, the ThunderClan leader let loose a low moan, pain sending his muscles into a spasm. Suddenly, Firestar's ears pricked as voices from outside his cage carried through the criss-cross bars.

Tigerstar's voice was ruff and angry as he strained to keep his temper under control. "The deal was I brung you Firestar in exchange for a spoon! Nothing else".

Firestar shivered as an icy calm voice slashed through the air. "True, but deals change _old friend_!"

"Look, Gus, I'm not for sale! I mean, isn't this the Firestar Fan Club?"

The cat called Gus spoke again, but this time, with a bone chillingly frilmiler voice. "Ha, fool! This isn't a fan club! It's a clan, my clan, BloodClan! I am not spoon selling Gus, but Scourge, and I'm back! Back from the dead, back from the grave, back from StarClan…" Scourge trailed off. "In fact, I really have no idea were I went. Can someone help me out please?"

A plump tabby tom with a amber collar waddled up to Scourge, whispered something in his ear, then wailed in protest as Scourge thanked him by raking his claws through his throat.

"Someone, clean this up…now, where was I?"

"You were back from the dead", Tigerstar suggested.

"Thank-you! As I was saying; I'm back! Back from the dead-".

"You said that already", Tigerstar interrupted.

Scourge narrowed his eyes. "Come on man, I've been practicing this for years in front of the mirror!" Without warning, the midnight tom burst into tears, racing off into his den.

"Awww, common man! Now he's all upset!" Snake moaned.

Sniffling, Scourge poked his head out, splicing his dogs teeth claws through the nearest object, who just so happened to be Billy the Pineapple. "All better now!" Trotting out, he continued. "Back from Unicornland, my birthplace, no matter what the books stat!" Then, wrapping up his speech, Scourge in leaned close to Tigerstar, breathing five cold, harsh words that echoed painfully through the tabby's head. "I'm Scourge, and I'm back!" Then, on an after thought, he added, "Did you miss me?"

"She'll be riding six white horses when she comes, she'll be riding six white horses when comes, she'll be-".

"Dead if she doesn't shut up!" Purdy growled, shaking the loose snow from his matted pelt. Painfully, the tom eased himself into the den, plopping down on the other side of the chess board.

"Do you even know how to play?" Mousefur grumbled.

"Of course! Now let's hurry up and score some field goals before the other teams gets a basket and we have to do free throws!"

Squirrelflight's haunches sagged, her head dropped, nearly a day or searching had been fruitless. She would never find, never save her father. The ship could have taken them anywhere! Anywhere! Suddenly, a scrap of paper drifted through the breeze, a list of destinations listed on it. The she-cat snatched it up. Squirrelland! Firestar had to be there! It was destiny!

The camp was utter disaster! Cats were everywhere, screaming, shouting, hollering, "I LOST THE GAME!"

*Shoot, I lost the game*

Jayfeather stalked about, pacing heartily, pointing at cats and pretending to use the force mind control as he hissed, "You **will** lose the game!" Foxpaw giggled evilly as she slipped a note onto several dens, "reminding" cats to loose the game!

*Shoot, lost the game again!*

Even Lionblaze was wearing a t-shirt labelled, "I lost the game and all I got was this stupid shirt!"

"JAYFEATHER!" Leafpool's scream tore through the mess of cats silencing their cries. "COME TO MY DEN IMMEDIATELY!"

"Firestar is my prisonier, and now, you will be too!" Scourge grinning, his canines* sparkling like jewels**.

*Freak no! I mean canines as in teeth! Only a lunatic would think that Scourge has a mouthful of freakin' dogs!

Cloudtail: Well, technically, he does bite dogs…

Shush you!

** Dude! Sparkle as in shine! Evilly! Not dogs in freakin' tutus!

Whitewing: Sparkle sparkle!

Honestly, stay out of the catnip!

Tigerstar's fear scent filled the room! "NEVER!"

"BloodClan! Attack!" Cats pored out of the rafters and a terrifying though struck Tigerstar. They weren't gonna spare him. He was going to die...

*I LOST THE GAME!*

Squirrelflight paused, staring out at the vast ocean of the sun drown place. All around her, birds cawed and waves lapped. Somewhere across that ocean was Firestar, her leader, her father. After a moments hesitation to watch Whitewing explain to Birchfall how she could fly, Squirrelflight shrugged open her wings and flew! Wait? Flew? Okay! Seriously you guys! Away from the catnip!

"Fly!" Whitewing giggled in her dazed purr. "Whitewing fly!"

Birchfall sighed. "For the millionth time! You-can't-fly!

"Whitewing fly!" With that, the silver she-cat hurtled off the cliff face!

"Whitewing! NO!" Birchfall lunged forward, grabbing his mate and pulling her back up by the scruff of her neck.

Still giggling, Whitewing flung out her paw at a white butterfly, pointing, accidentally sending her mate of the shear cliff. "Look, white wing!" Then, her snowy head dropped to Birchfall, who was screaming as he tumbled down the rock! "Look! Birch fall!

"WAIT!"

All eyes turned to the kennel, which of course contained Firestar. "Is this gonna be scary!"

A puzzled expression flashed across Scourge's face. "Explain".

"Is this fight gonna give me nightmares? I get scared really easy! I mean, mamma always said it was normal to wet you pelt every once in a while! Right? After all, I did it enough on the way here!"

Squirrelflight stood on the shore of Squirrelland, mulling over the amount of seeds and nuts that littered the ground, though non could compare to the amount of nuts ThunderClan had. Suddenly, a frimilier scent filled Squirrelflight's nostrils. Firestar! And, something else, something unspeakable! With a last glance around, the daughter of Firestar bolted after her father.

"Honestly, that's out of bounds you mangy pelt of mouse fur!"

Sighing aloud, the grey elder glared at the older tom. "That may have been an insult if it wasn't actually my name you mangy bag of rotten disgusting mouse fur!"

"Okay, you win, but that chess piece went out of bounds!"

"No, it's a horse, you can move it like that!"

"Why dose the horse get to move that way, and why not ponies? Ponies are better then horses".

"Oh yah", Mousefur mimicked, "Look out, a herd of wild ponies are trying to take over the castle!"

"Well…It's still out!"

"Everyone knows pig our more effective!"

"Pickles are good", Longtail commented, eating a lemon.

"I'm with you brother!" Purdy highfived Longtail, the two bursting into song! "Oh baby, baby, baby, Ohhhhhhh, like baby, baby!"

Mousefur continued to rapidly smack her head on the stone walls of her den. "Someone! Shoot me now!"

Suddenly, Cloudtail popped out of nowhere. "DON'T DIE OR I KILL YOU!" Then pausing to lower his volume, continued; "I lost the game".

A course of curses and "I lost the game" rang throughout the room. Mousefur sacked Cloudtail with a penguin.

"I'M AN ACORN SAMLL AND ROUND FROZEN IN THE COLD, COLD GROUND!" Squirrelflight sang into nearby squirrel/microphone. "PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER ME, THEN I WACKED YOU WITH A TREEEEEEEEEE!"

Several squirrels fell from the trees, a rock screamed in agony, and a rooster laid an egg (Yah, it was that bad).

"Hey! You!" Squirrelflight turned around to see a hansom grey tom with a bloody collar, one she recognized from the elders tails. _Bloodclan!_

The tom studied her, eyes burning amber, reminding Squirrelflight of a forest, charred and burning. Swallowing, she spoke, hair bristling. "What do you want?"

"Why are you on out territory!" He countered.

"You territory?" Hostility was replaced with wonder. "I thought you lived in the twoleg place!"

"The rent was killing us", the tom mumbled, "Squirrelland is a lot more convenient. Scourge can practice his evil laugh and no one calls the authorities! Long story…"

"Look", Squirrelflight breathed, "I know you don't really care, but I'm trying to find my father, Firestar, and-".

The BloodClan warrior's head rocked up, ears pricked, eyes forever searching. "You know Firestar!"

"Yes, and I-".

"Quick, come with me! I know where he is! My clan is holding him prisonier!"

Squirrelflight scrambled after him. "Why are you telling me this? Won't you get in trouble?"

"On the contrary my dear, I'll be a hero!"

"Why?"

"We'll finally be rid of him, that's why!" No one can stand him with his non stop chatter, demanding us to tie him in chains and do a really high ransom like the movies, and the, um, _incidents_, whenever he gets scared. Everyone's fed up of cleaning up after _those!_ The tom shuttered, picking up his pace. Signs whizzed by. "Secret hide out!" "This way to BloodClan's camp!" Scourge is awesome!"

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" A voice boomed, a smoky black tom plummeting in front of the pair.

"Save it Ice, Lord of the Rings is getting really old!"

Squirrelflight glanced at the tom, then quickly looked away as Ice trotted towards her. "Hey, Snake, bro, why not introduce me to your girlfriend?"

"She's not my girlfriend!"

"All the better!" Ice grinned, sauntering up to Squirrelflight. "You must be from pearl harbour, because your the bomb!"

Snake face palmed, murmuring something about worst pickup artist.

"My love", he paused, glancing at a traumatized Squirrelflight, "Is like the enigizer bunny! It just keeps going and going!"

Squirrelflight met his gaze, flat and icy. "I like you approach, now lets see your departure."

Glancing nervously at his brother, Ice tried again, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"

"That why I don't go there anymore! Come on Snake!" The two dashed off into the hideout, leaving a crestfallen Ice to practice his lines.

With a groan, Birchfall hauled himself up the side of the cliff, moaning and cursing. Turing to Whitewing, he hissed, "You know, if the whole fourth series didn't depend on us having kits, I would call a divorce!"

"Butterfly!" Whitewing giggled, accidentally tromping on Birchfall's paws, causing him to loose his grip, and fall back to the ocean below.

I LOST THE GAME!

"Common Firestar! Your free! Just go!"

"No!" The ThunderClan leader crossed his arms, leaning against the bars of the cage. "It's nighttime, and I'm scared of the dark!"

"Well, go in the morning!" Scourge protested, dropping to his knees. "Please!"

"But I like it here! The dungeon is nice and cozy! I must know the name of your decorator!"

"Then will you go?"

"No".

"Whyyyyyyy meeeeee?" Scourge cried, sobbing into a pink handkerchief. "All I ever did was kill cats and ruin lives! I'm an honest villain!"

"Sir?"

Scourge turned. Ice stood at the door, flanked by a pretty orange she-cat, eyes emerald, glowing, shining. "This is Squirrelflight. Firestar's her father."

Scourge's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "TAKE HIM! TAKE HIM OR DIE!" Then, shoving a bewildered Firestar into Squirrelflight arms, Scourge took off down the hall!

"Are you legs tired?" Ice puffed, dashing into the room, "Cause you've been running through my mind all night long!"

With that ecoragment, Squirrelflight took off for the doors, for the mainland, for the camp, disappearing into her den.

"Do I get to move ahead three spaces?"

"No".

"What kind of game is this? Where is the dice?"

"For the millionth time Purdy! THIS IS CHESS!"

"Looks like checkers".

"It's snowing, so I'm gonna paint easter eggs!" Longtail cheered.

"You will end the game this instant!" Leafpool tapped her paws, glaring at the apprentice.

"WTF man? Why?"

"Because I said so!"

"%&# women, yo think yo my mamma or something'! FYI, the $%^ game can't end till the priminister of the United Kingdom announces on public TV that it is!"

"Come!" Leafpool snapped, flicking her tail.

"Where we going?"

"Your going to become the priminister of the United Kingdom!"

_**Well, that just about sums it up. Hopefully, I'll get around to writing some more chapters soon, probably over Easter break (Canadian), so I can post Why Warriors Shouldn't go to Hawaii!**_

_**~Weird Person Who Lives on Mars**_

_*** I LOST THE GAME* and you did to XD**_


	18. The End

**THE END**

(well, what did you expect?)


End file.
